We humans believe we are in charge of our destiny... That we are in control - at least to some measure - of what our life is like or how we live... How arrogant of us...
Or at least I thought I was in control of my life to some degree... Maybe I am the only one that thinks (thought) that... Dunno...
Paul has a mannerism of his own - it is commonly referred to as a 'b*tch slap' around here... One hand passes by the other with force and a resounding slap as they pass by... Derogatory as a description, but pretty visual, it gets the message across...
I think most of us have to walk head long into one of these (if they were being passed out) every once in awhile... And it takes something like that to rattle your brain and turn your thinking upside down - make sense?...
Call it a reality check, call it walking into a brick wall with your eyes open, call it a 'b*tch slap' - BUT until we get at least one of these, we journey through life like the King (or Queen) of Siam without little thought to what MERE mortals we are and how little we are in control of just about anything!
I come across these 'life gopher holes' on occasion... They ALWAYS force me to sit back and realize that I am not 'driving this bus'... That forces much greater than me are in charge, and I'm really just along for the ride in life...
I'm not speaking of the trivial things... Like you get up this morning, pretty much have your day laid out and at the end of the day, realize little that you had planned came through to fruition... Or when you get a cold or have a body ache and then come to the realization of just how fantastic good health truly is...
I'm speaking more of the life journeys that you make and when you look back, you realize you'd never have chosen this pathway for yourself (whether it is good or bad), and you wonder how you ended up here...
It is a very hard thing to become aware of... It doesn't happen naturally (at least not for me)... I'm speaking about the realization that you have little if any control over your life, people, places or things... That you take what life dishes out to you and the magnificent part of being a spiritual human being is not that you are in control, but the decisions and choices you make all along the way that shine up (or tarnish) your character and ethics...
Last weekend something occurred in adoptions that carried over for a few days, and at the time I made a knee-jerk decision that Paul didn't agree with... Once he voiced the disagreement, I immediately realized he was right and I was just taking the easy way out (not common for me, but I have no excuse to validate my actions)...
As the series of things unfolded around me, I had to stand back and be amazed (once again), that I have little control over my life or anyone else... The series of events eventually put me in a place and time where I happened to overhear two people talking about taking a dog over to the vets to have her unborn litter aborted...
I must say here that I do not believe in dogs being allowed to stay intact and continue to have litters, adding to the unwanted overpopulation of companion pets... But once a mom is pregnant to the point she knows she is a mom, I also do not believe in aborting the puppies either... I understand the shelter system's mindset about this (they already don't have enough good homes to save the dogs currently in their care, so why bring more puppies into the world?)...
But for me, it is a mindset I myself cannot accept... And when I overheard this conversation, eventually it occurred to me there was a reason I was in that place and time to have overheard it... But again, someone else needed to tell me this for me to become aware of it all - I didn't come up with the realization on my own!
This momma is with us now and she is still preggers...
Overhearing that casual conversation turned my planned day upside down and I have to be honest - by the end of the day I was frustrated and tired...
The next day I happened to be discussing all of this (from the weekend's events by someone else to what caused me to be in the spot to hear about this mom) with another one of our volunteers... He was quite prophetic when he reminded me that we should think about all the good stories of dogs we've saved --- to not think about how disappointing the human race can be and the actions of those people over the weekend --- but that it all came down to putting me in a certain place to make the decision to get this pregnant mom out of the shelter system before her unborn litter was aborted...
Every once in awhile I need to be reminded that I have little control over anything in my life... But the only thing I do have control over are the choices and decisions I make when faced with life and its challenges... That I should concentrate more on always making the right decisions instead of being irritated or frustrated about things or people not within my control...
I can't control if Des or Paul clutter up my kitchen counter... I can make their life (and mine) miserable by complaining about it, but facts are, they are not going to change their ways unless they themselves want to... I can't control whether it is going to rain or shine today, but I can control my attitude and enjoy the beautiful weather along with the ability to sit in our backyard to watch the pups and feel rejuvenated about life... I can't control how much money we do (or don't) have, but I can enjoy life and today to its fullest in the event there is not a tomorrow, ya know?
I am not a control freak by any stretch... I like order and admit to disliking chaos, clutter and discord around me...
Truth be known, most of those people who REALLY know me know that I can roll with most of life's punches, that I might get set on my butt by life but will get back up again still determined to finish what I started... There are always at least two ways to get anything done and I don't always know both of them...
And I can always tell someone, "This is what I would like to hear (or see) when this happens," but I have little control over them saying it or doing it later when the time comes... That's the REALLY hard part about life to me... Accepting what I cannot change or have even a smidgen of control over!... I always think that there must be a better way to do something, to not give up and in so easily, to stay the course, etc... I'm not so sure that is control in a negative sense however...
And if I cannot understand something? It is EVEN harder for me to accept... If I understand it, I'm more likely to accept it even if I do not agree with it... As much as a PITA as a person I tend to be, I will keep searching inside my head to figure out why someone did what they did (or how they did it), trying to understand it because I know if I do, I can accept it...
It is easy to blanket things over with the concept that there is good and evil... For every action, there is an equal but opposite action... But what I usually keep stumbling over is, "Did they HAVE to be so mean, so evil, so inhumane, so cruel?" and I continue to contemplate it until I figure out why the degree was so intense... Most of the time, I cannot understand it, but at least it gives me something to always think about, huh?... LOL...
As Always,
The Lady
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