Good and the VERY bad things going on

A week ago today, we began a nightmare - bundling together our phone service, Internet access and cable service... OMG~!!!

This was all part of the remodel of Paul's office area, for that is where the modem for the Internet is stored... Desiree had done all the research as to what was available and at what cost, how much we would save if we did this, etc.

While our cable was with Time Warner, our phone service (including the rescue's fax machine) and Internet access was with AT&T... Time Warner (TM) was set to come out last Friday for a '2 hour install'... While they arrived just 30 minutes late, it took 4.5 hours to complete the installation of everything... 

At the end of it all, they said our fax machine wasn't working and we needed a new one, but that phone line was OK... Paul's computer has always been hard-lined to the modem directly, but they installed wireless for my computer (in another room)... So far, so good, huh?

BUT, they couldn't transfer over our fax number and said we had to have a new one... Translation?  Recoding ALL of the pages on the rescue's website with the new fax number... OMG

Friday afternoon, I realized I could not get online... I spent 4 hours Saturday morning, trying to make it work - and then threw up my hands in disgust and ran a hard line out of my room, down the hallway, around the corner and into Paul's office to the modem... 

We went out and bought a new fax machine as instructed - Sunday morning I tried to connect it and discovered we had no dial tone at all on that line... Desiree initially started to troubleshoot it, calling TM and requesting service ("Sorry, the earliest we can get someone out there is on Tuesday" - so much for 24/7 service!)...

I asked if they could just reconnect our old fax number... I didn't call to disconnect it, TM insisted they had not done anything to our fax line, so it should be easy to reverse, right?... Of course not...

And I had INTENTIONALLY NOT contact AT&T to cancel any service until I was sure this new set-up would work... So much for advance planning...

Between Des and I, we spent almost 4 hours on the phone with TM on Sunday - never could get anything resolved... On Monday, I started early... Calling AT&T first (TM insisted it was THEIR problem), they were out within an hour and discovered TM had just simply disconnected our fax line wires at the outside box - easy fix...

But then I continued to spend time on the phone with TM, trying to get them to disconnect the fax number they had given us (and had never worked)... 4.5 hours later and 11 different people, I finally achieved this goal...

I have to tell you... I do have a TON of patience - I keep pushing through on tough issues, finding solutions and/or different options, until I finally resolve the problems... But at one point on Monday?... I was so frustrated, I was ready to break down into tears... You know - those mad, angry tears because people are hearing what you are saying, but not listening to you?... I sat for 43 minutes on one phone call, but when she finally came back, I got disconnected so I had to call back and start all over with another TM operator... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I KNEW this would be a nightmare, but I'm not so sure I was totally prepared for the absolute stupidity and 'blame-game' tossing I was going to get... I understand AT&T and TM are now competitors, but I certainly have NEVER gone out to the telephone box and messed with any of those wires! 

They never could get it all working like we had envisioned, so the fax number is still connected to AT&T (but I did not have to recode the entire website - HURRAH!!!) and we'll get two bills still, but TM has now bundled our cable, Internet and the home phone line together...

I am keeping my fingers crossed on this one, as well as the number handy to AT&T's person who was intelligent enough to realize what was going on, and how to resolve the problems~!!!

All of this seems very trivial when you think about it... A few weeks ago we got some devastating news about a dear acquaintance who had successfully fought of breast cancer four years ago to discover this past December, it has returned as pancreatic and liver cancer... Different cancers, same miserable nonprejudicial adversary of life, living and a happy, healthy existence...

I've known this person for about 10 years and she's been someone I have respected in rescue, almost to a mentor status (although she's probably never thought of herself in that fashion)... While I can't say we are friends that would call each other up and go out to dinner, etc. I consider her with genuine affection in my heart... Her heart is where is should be in regards to the animals, rescue, animal welfare and other assorted topics...

For me, the news hit even harder personally... She exercises, is healthy, eats the right foods, does the right things, is an organic supporter, etc... What chance does someone like me have of being healthy when someone so healthy gets hit with cancer?

I probably do only 50% of the things I should do, but I struggle with that... I know she is SO careful about what she eats and faithfully exercises, heavily involved in the causes she believes in (not only animal welfare) and if anyone would get the golden ticket to good health, I'd have bet you it would have been her!

Their son has moved back home and into the house with them to help out at this time of crisis... Their daughter comes back frequently from AZ... We have been taking dishes over to their home, but not wanting to intrude upon them (nor wear her out), I've called and let them know we're here for them in anything they need done...

While I can't say this has caused me to look at my own mortality (I already did that in 2005), I can say it has made me question exactly what are we supposed to be doing as humans to avoid the terrible "C"???... When someone does it all and still comes down with cancer, it is shocking to your psyche if nothing else... My battles with TM and AT&T seem trivial, if nothing else...

Every day and several times a day, my thoughts drift towards this gal and her family... When I ache or are having my own health issues to deal with, I am reminded immediately they are not in the same class as hers are... Not that it makes the pain hurt any less, or the energy level pick up any, but it does help to keep it all in perspective...

I think the thing that gets to me the most about all of this is the feeling of helplessness I have ~~~ I want to do more, What can I do?, Prayers should be enough according to what they tell us, but I worry they aren't.... I can't STAND this is happening to her, This is just NOT right, etc...

I'm left with that old mantra - "They can send a man to the moon but they can't find the cause of cancer and eliminate it!"... Is this just part of my generation's way of thinking?...

The first year of my illness was VERY difficult to accept - why me? I'm a tough broad, etc... I kept looking for the silver bullet and doctors didn't have one for me... What they had to offer was for someone with unlimited financial resources or was willing to give up on life at mid-life...

I have a PhD at protecting my vulnerable side, not letting the world see me 'sweat' as it is said... But to my own detriment, people around me don't usually see me as anything less than invincible in the most trying of situations...  It was VERY hard for me to say 'No, sorry I can't' when asked to do something by someone else... And even harder to admit to my family I was just plain worn out by the day and had to crawl back in bed to regenerate the batteries and lessen the pain levels...

I have never been a whuzz, especially when it comes to pain or getting assigned tasks done - it has been VERY difficult to not get everything done I want to each and every day... I never, EVER want anyone to think I am lazy, but I have laid in bed, rolling over in my head the list of things I didn't get done today and lacking the energy to push my body any further - at least for the next hour or so!

I can only believe everyone who has chronic issues or life-threatening crisis situations go through exactly the same thing... Life as we know it --- even in the worst of times --- is precious and priceless... The 'gopher holes' in life seem not so bad if you are still getting through the extreme valleys and high pinnacles of life, ya know?

I know in the Family we have several prayer chains going on, so please make a point of including "Kathy in California" in the prayers... If anyone I know or have met in my life SHOULD win in this battle, it is CERTAINLY her, so the prayer chains have worked for others - let's hope they do their miracles with her too!

As Always,

The Lady