Once I got the dogs and carted the one kennel back into the garage, I was bushed~!!... I don't think I've ever thought about how much it can hurt to stand up, sit down, etc. to simply take two dogs to the vets... Even with the lumbar support in the truck seat, I was sweating like bullets by the time I got both dogs inside the house...
Soon as I hit the door, I could tell the trash had not been taken out... And I play these stupid mind games with myself... "Linda, it's only 49 steps to take the trash out - you can do it - you're a tough old broad - get to it!"... And I don't remind myself it is ALSO 49 steps once I've taken out the trash to get back inside the house~!!...
Once I got the trash out, I then discovered not one, two or three but four separate swarms of ants inside the house between three rooms... Oh brother!!! I never realized how many times I go to the bathroom each day either... When it hurts to sit down and hurts to stand up, you seriously debate with yourself just HOW badly you have to go~!!... LOL...
Anyway, I digress... I popped three Advils, got my bucket and mop along with the vinegar and got started...
As much as I hate the mop, last week I attempted to clean my floors like I do normally and discovered after about half an hour I couldn't get up... I was immediately reminded of that hamburger lady ("Where's the beef?") who used to do some commercial - "I've fallen and I can't get up~!!"... So I succumbed to the mop until I can get my back in order...
I got rid of all the ants, did the floors in three rooms and realized I couldn't do the rest of the house right then... Debated with myself and then decided I'd lay down and take the pressure off my back, then get up and do the rest of the house...
I was rinsing out the bucket in the sink when I tempted that old "it can't get worse" gremlin in my head... I shut off the water and went to take the bucket out of the sink when I heard water still running somewhere... I followed the sound outside to see Niagara Falls by the hose in the back... Apparently the little hose from the faucet to the wheelie thingie had split at end where it connects... As I use the hose at least once a day here, I realize I have to fix it and with heavy steps, went into the garage to my tool box to find a mini saw, screwdriver, etc...
I finally managed to get it fixed, looked at my watch and it is 11AM... Why did I feel like it should have been about 4PM?... LOL...
Anyways, I got lots of emails about the last Press...
I was in the same situation as you for years!! and I finally got out of the house. How many marriages/relationships are as we dream about???? I think very few!!
and...
However I know myself exactly how you feel! I am guilty of the same thing you are. We give too much and we get less and less and less in return then we get pissed when it's our turn to be the recipient of TLC and none is given!
and...
John Grey says in one of his books.....give, then wait till you get back, then give some more, then wait till you receive etc. If they are too brain dead to realize you are waiting, go get the flower vase and leave it empty by the front door till they get it or whatever it takes to get the message through what you want. Sad....but that's the way it has to go or it goes the way of the go ahead and do it all.
There have been more as well, but these three comments really stuck home with me... I've thought a LOT about all of this the past few days... I'll 'own' that I shouldn't let others moods, comments and actions affect me personally... I should be able to 'shake it off' and not be sensitive, but I would have to teach myself how to be 'de-sensitive' about others around me that I love and care about...
Can I do it?... Probably... But will those that love me as I am, love me if I change that much?... That's a question I don't have an answer for... And I have been making a concentrated effort for over a year now to say 'thank-you' BEFORE someone expects me to --- or out of the blue --- so they know it comes from the heart and hoping it is reciprocated, but if not, I deal with that... I'm pretty sure I've talked about this already in the Press...
And ya know?... How many of us have told our children to say 'thank-you' and 'I'm sorry' as they were growing up?... Either one of those mean a lot to me, but not if they are prompted, but come from the heart spontaneously... When someone says they're sorry, but keep repeating whatever it is they said they were sorry for, what depth of value does it really have?... I mean, is it OK to do things that hurt others, knowing that a 'I'm sorry' later will somehow undo the hurt?... Another question I don't have an answer for... sigh...
As for my back, I 'bit the bullet' and went back to my doctor's practice this morning after I was told it was $170 to get a copy of my medical records so I could see another doctor OUTSIDE of their practice (there is three volumes of my medical records so I guess that's the reason for the high costs)...
Thirty minutes later with a VERY young doctor this morning, we went through the laundry list I could have predicted (and should have taken a bet on!)... Physical therapy (done that), PT daily exercises (doing that already every day), spinals (done that, had three, can only have 4 total), pain management therapy (done that - refusing to take narcotics sorta/kinda fizzled that one out), Xion 8000 treatments (did that for 5 weeks and it worked)... Bed rest (not possible)... Hiring help at the house (won't happen)... Stress therapy (HUH??? Me stressed out??? LOL)...
Finally when he ran out of steam (LOL), this young whipper snapper then said he believes I have sprained my back or 'tweaked it' again and his only recommendation was anti-inflammatory meds (the EXACT same thing AND exact med that I called their office about LAST week, asking them to renew an old prescription of mine!)... OMG~!!! ... He went to medical school and I'm just the 51-year old owner of this body???
WHAT DO I KNOW???????????????
As Always,
The Lady
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