Mornin’ Mornin’… Almost everything I’ve learned in the past twenty years of my life have been either through watching Desiree grow up – or the dogs…
That’s a ‘big’ statement to make when you think about it… Prior to my 30th birthday, I think my learning curve came totally from my surroundings and environment, but not focused on any one thing… Many of the things I learned came from direct reactions to actions or situations – similar to the idea you don’t touch an oven again once it is turned on because you’ll burn yourself, but if not on, it is OK to touch…
Make any sense between the two different methods of learning?
I talk a LOT about Desiree and/or the dogs in the Press… Both are enormous resources to learn from and improve myself from… Education and perspectives I could not ever afford to pay for if dollars were the exchange currency… Thankfully, the exchange is done via love, attention, patience, observation, more love and patience, etc… LOL… Otherwise I’d be even more totally broke than we are!
Over the past year I’ve watched Mr. Sweetie struggle with his dementia and all of the other issues he as going on… His arrival here two years ago was chaos between the smells from him releasing his anal gland in pain (from his mouth), inability to allow anyone to come even close to his face, etc.
Next month he will be 15 years old (on the 15th as a matter of fact) and although he’s just as cute as a bug in a rug, even my vet says he was badly named~!!!... “Ain’t nuthin much sweet about him,” she says with a chuckle each time…
I’m a sucker for the unwanted, neglected and throwaways… While in my head, one day I’d LOVE to have one of those SMALL Chihuahua pups to raise from the start, my heart knows it will not ever happen… My destiny is to try and undo the failures and poor judgments made by other humans as they toss these little ones away without much thought into the shelters…
This might sound like one of those pages from “All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from…” books, but it is probably more true than most of us ever realized… Mr. Sweetie’s dementia has been painful emotionally to watch and get through at times… Thankfully everyone here is tolerant and understanding of what is going on --- the trouble is usually trying to figure out exactly WHAT is going on inside his little pea brain… Sometimes even I don’t know, and I’m the last resort to ‘doggie translations’ around here…
We’re about to start trying to find a medicinal solution to his dementia… Paul and I have discussed this numerous times and we both agree that as along as we can maintain a quality of life for him --- and his safety --- it’s our job to do so… Because of his psychological and emotional disorders, he will always be an ‘outsider’ in the pack around here… Much like society is with humans that don’t quite fit in… There’s not much difference when you come down to it…
The other day I caught Mr. Sweetie lifting his leg – twice in one day… This is one of my few bug-a-boos I won’t tolerate and will go after like winds in a tornado… Not just chemically but with training as well… No matter how bad I’m feeling, I will fly out of a chair or bed to address the behavior and get it gone!
As usual, however (LOL)… I’ve been pondering on the ‘why’ of it the past few days… Why, all of sudden, is he doing this after so many months/years of good potty behaviors?... I can’t simply dismiss things because he’s getting older… I accommodate their short legs and senior years by training them all to use pitty pads (especially helpful in the rain and winter season)…
And like one of those proverbial mental light bulbs this morning at 4AM as I’m standing outside and shivering my ‘you-know-whats’ off, it dawned one me… We just accept things that are going well without positive reinforcement… Doesn’t matter if it is training a dog or our interactions with other humans, our job, situations, etc…
I have done this CONSTANTLY as I’ve raised Desiree – praising her for all her achievements and celebrating her successes, trying to ignore her few failures unless they were dramatically affecting the whole house, etc… We’ve told her every day how much we love her – not as a habit, but spontaneously as things prompted us to feel the feelings…
Somewhere along the way I’ve forgotten to do this with Mr. Sweetie, reinforcing the good things he’s done as the issues with his dementia cause changes every day, causing those to come to the forefront of one's consciousness…
And I needed to be reminded of this – all I’ve ever needed to know (once again) I learned from our dogs!!!
It is the standing joke around here with ‘elevator up, elevator down’… Mr. Sweetie has issues with another dog getting too close to him, and he prefers to sleep in a doggie bed in a cubby hole underneath my computer desk… He can’t get up into there, nor can he easily get down (he can, but he won’t attempt it)… I don’t allow anyone else to ‘smell up’ his doggie bed either – the success of it is that it is his alone, ya know?
However, most of my days spent at the computer include this ‘elevator up, elevator down’ routine… If I’m here sitting at my desk, then I seldom allow anyone to sit in my lap anymore… Everyone is within a foot or two of me, but because I am up and down constantly, anyone sitting in my lap no longer gets to sleep when I have to disturb them by moving… So when Mr. Sweetie wants to be in that 6’ square ‘Ladyzone’ around my desk, I have to lift up his doggie bed into that cubby – and when he wants down, I have to lift the doggie bed onto the floor so he can step out of it…
You do what you gotta do, ya know?... It’s taken us a year to be able to carry him with two hands and him not screaming like you’ve just hurt him… Sometimes you can’t readily pick him up easily – he also doesn’t want ANY other dogs around him when he’s in this vulnerable position as you are touching him (vulnerable at least in his own mind)…
I have ALWAYS said Mr. Sweetie would have done much better in a ‘no other dog’ household for the most part, but he also wants dogs at a distance too… It’s a very delicate balance and tight rope we walk on a daily balance… And no one else wanted to take this on, no matter how many adoptions I took him to, how many people I talked to about him, etc... His age and health issues were just too many issues for anyone to adopt ~~ and I tried SO hard but failed to find someone who'd take him on and give him is own furever home alone... So you do the best you can, and then turn the page as Paul always says...
But again, isn’t that just like your life and society?... Each and every day?... One day you can mention the sky is cloudy and it’s OK… The next day the same comment will bring you a torrent of accusations why the sky has become cloudy today!... LOL…
I just have to keep in mind that dogs and humans have all the same needs… They need to be reminded all the time of the good things they’ve done, appreciated for their character assets and accomplishments and loved unconditionally without hidden agendas…
Once again, I’ve learned another value lesson from either my daughter or the dogs… Thank goodness I have them all in my life to keep me learning and improving!
As Always,
The Lady
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